I'm Pissed.

Well, that was the plan. TO be pissed drunk last night, month before winter solstice, but my brother (the driver) had to work until 10 so that wasn't going to happen easily. V******* was kind enough to come into town and talk about life and work and things, and we wandered down to Santa Cruz, ate lunch in the Saturn cafe, walked the downtown area there and then drove up the coast to Half Moon Bay on an incredibly beautiful day, nipping into the Obester winery 10 minutes before they closed and tasting. Bought a case of wine and champagne and port, gave V a bottle for her birthday. Thanks V!

But in processing everything, I've come to the conclusion that I'm pissed.
I'm pissed at my brother for blowing me off for work. (1)
I'm pissed at my boss for trying to get me to work this weekend (2).
I'm pissed at the police officer who gave me a ticket this weekend.
I'm pissed at LC for breaking it off. (3)
I'm pissed at ...myself.
For not taking command of the things I can command.
For letting my goals become so lost, and my physical body so out of shape.
For not striving, for not trying, for not being there.
Time to get in motion.

(1). How many times have I done this?
(2). Same old same old. Why am I still here after all this crap?
(3). I still respect her very much, and love her very much, and know that we'll be good friends, but not right now.

Right! Off to go do thangs!