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Or, as once was said, Bad Juju. Three things have come to sour my little green apples:
1. HurleyFu. I made an offhand comment in the morning relating to my (male) roomates aggressiveness to his girlfriend. This is monday morning, mind you. Before coffee. He, Sunday at the game, played with his usual gung-hoed ness, which included at one point humping backward on the ground to try to get his feet to the ball--while my leg was on the ground near his groin. Funny, but not if I want to maintain some cohesion in one knee or another.
ANYWAY, he sent an email saying "HEy, someone complained, am I being to aggressive?" SO ANYWAY (note teenaged girl emote mode) I had to apologize to him--I didn't want to bring it up behind his back, it's more an insight into his personality than a complaint, but if he responds to her (knowing it came from me) then I have to respond in the same forum SO it started a whole nasty discussion, which perhaps was pending, about the level we want to play and aggressiveness and ANYWAY so in typical newsgroup/mailing list fashion EVERYTHING is getting BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION.
And now, SO ANYWAY, I feel like I perciptated this (spelling bad!) and don't want to talk to the female roomie, because all this fu is flying around, and I don't feel like dealing with it, but I set it off because I spoke before coffee. And it's my sense of honor that made me apologize and ask questions. And start the shitstorm on the list.
and...and...and...hurley was the one truely enjoyable thang right now. Besides dancing, but hurley is *new* and fun.
2. My mother, in her desire to not be old and without someone to fix things, catch rats and make sure that the doors are all locked (she works at the local hospital running the locked suite and doing crisis intervention for the Psych Ward) is again proposing that we buy a place together. On one hand, I want to help my mother, and we do get along, BUT on the other hand, it pretty much puts a rocky shoal in front of any either A. Serious party ideas or B. Chasing women ideas. I'm going to want to chase women at some point here. I'm even going to want to catch them. Marry one and have kids, even. Soon.
And she wants a decision as soon as possible so she can start house-hunting. My brother (who has been fulfilling this role) is moving out; he had privacy issues. I know I can't live in the same common space because all my things mysteriously end up in the garage, my room or the trash can...common, I fear, as women are socialized that they need to care about and control the space. (The Man's home may be his castle, but the chatelaine holds the keys.) Wants to buy a duplex, which is a pricey way to go....and needs me to buy in, because she's retired and doesn't have enough of an income base.
Ah di mio.
When I said I didn't want to commit to it, she said "Fish or cut bait", but I know if I say no A) I'llhurt her and B) she'll come back with another proposal and C) she
will turn up the guilt, which doesn't work as well as it might but I'm more likely to swallow irritation than yell at my mother.
aaaaaand.
3) This is framed by her pushing me towards getting a gastric bypass. Yes, my weight's way up, but I see that as a fix the symptom rather than cure the problem. She also keeps telling me I'm depressed; hey, if you felt trapped in your job, and sad about recent emotional things, you probably would look depressed too. "But we're worried about you surviving"...the signs are ok, don't care to go hypochondriac about things. Weight is waaay up (the failed marraige attempt did not help) and there's suddenly a lot more grey in my hair (happens to all of us) but I'm turning it around on the exercise front and not doing that badly with eating.
Oh, and she has some choice comments about the women I keep company with. What is it that makes her see anyone I hang out with as wanting to marry me?
and
3.5 this ties into how things are with my brother Rex. I'd really like to help him out; as she gets older she shuts down more of his life (straightforward protection: she fears wierdos and nutcases (because she works with them all day) so he's not allowed out after dark, even though he did fine with it for 10 years. He has no outlet but passive aggression, and I'd like to give him a chance to pull it together.
How can I, though, without selling my future to my mother?
Sheesh.
Ok, enough whining. Hot tubbed last night and the knee and back feel better, still feels like a rib out of alignment (don't tell Mom, she doesn't believe this can happen and will argue with you about it.) but it will ease back in during stretches.
...I have agreed to move back in after I sell my house and my brother K moves out, but I am planning to take that time as a sabbatical for at least 6 months.
G'night.
1. HurleyFu. I made an offhand comment in the morning relating to my (male) roomates aggressiveness to his girlfriend. This is monday morning, mind you. Before coffee. He, Sunday at the game, played with his usual gung-hoed ness, which included at one point humping backward on the ground to try to get his feet to the ball--while my leg was on the ground near his groin. Funny, but not if I want to maintain some cohesion in one knee or another.
ANYWAY, he sent an email saying "HEy, someone complained, am I being to aggressive?" SO ANYWAY (note teenaged girl emote mode) I had to apologize to him--I didn't want to bring it up behind his back, it's more an insight into his personality than a complaint, but if he responds to her (knowing it came from me) then I have to respond in the same forum SO it started a whole nasty discussion, which perhaps was pending, about the level we want to play and aggressiveness and ANYWAY so in typical newsgroup/mailing list fashion EVERYTHING is getting BLOWN OUT OF PROPORTION.
And now, SO ANYWAY, I feel like I perciptated this (spelling bad!) and don't want to talk to the female roomie, because all this fu is flying around, and I don't feel like dealing with it, but I set it off because I spoke before coffee. And it's my sense of honor that made me apologize and ask questions. And start the shitstorm on the list.
and...and...and...hurley was the one truely enjoyable thang right now. Besides dancing, but hurley is *new* and fun.
2. My mother, in her desire to not be old and without someone to fix things, catch rats and make sure that the doors are all locked (she works at the local hospital running the locked suite and doing crisis intervention for the Psych Ward) is again proposing that we buy a place together. On one hand, I want to help my mother, and we do get along, BUT on the other hand, it pretty much puts a rocky shoal in front of any either A. Serious party ideas or B. Chasing women ideas. I'm going to want to chase women at some point here. I'm even going to want to catch them. Marry one and have kids, even. Soon.
And she wants a decision as soon as possible so she can start house-hunting. My brother (who has been fulfilling this role) is moving out; he had privacy issues. I know I can't live in the same common space because all my things mysteriously end up in the garage, my room or the trash can...common, I fear, as women are socialized that they need to care about and control the space. (The Man's home may be his castle, but the chatelaine holds the keys.) Wants to buy a duplex, which is a pricey way to go....and needs me to buy in, because she's retired and doesn't have enough of an income base.
Ah di mio.
When I said I didn't want to commit to it, she said "Fish or cut bait", but I know if I say no A) I'llhurt her and B) she'll come back with another proposal and C) she
will turn up the guilt, which doesn't work as well as it might but I'm more likely to swallow irritation than yell at my mother.
aaaaaand.
3) This is framed by her pushing me towards getting a gastric bypass. Yes, my weight's way up, but I see that as a fix the symptom rather than cure the problem. She also keeps telling me I'm depressed; hey, if you felt trapped in your job, and sad about recent emotional things, you probably would look depressed too. "But we're worried about you surviving"...the signs are ok, don't care to go hypochondriac about things. Weight is waaay up (the failed marraige attempt did not help) and there's suddenly a lot more grey in my hair (happens to all of us) but I'm turning it around on the exercise front and not doing that badly with eating.
Oh, and she has some choice comments about the women I keep company with. What is it that makes her see anyone I hang out with as wanting to marry me?
and
3.5 this ties into how things are with my brother Rex. I'd really like to help him out; as she gets older she shuts down more of his life (straightforward protection: she fears wierdos and nutcases (because she works with them all day) so he's not allowed out after dark, even though he did fine with it for 10 years. He has no outlet but passive aggression, and I'd like to give him a chance to pull it together.
How can I, though, without selling my future to my mother?
Sheesh.
Ok, enough whining. Hot tubbed last night and the knee and back feel better, still feels like a rib out of alignment (don't tell Mom, she doesn't believe this can happen and will argue with you about it.) but it will ease back in during stretches.
...I have agreed to move back in after I sell my house and my brother K moves out, but I am planning to take that time as a sabbatical for at least 6 months.
G'night.
