Footnotes on Cruise...

[8] I imagine a Tom Cruise version of Hamlet in which he defends
Denmark with a handful of troops against the entire Norwegian army, to
be saved by Laertes showing up with the rest of the Danish army. Then
our Prince (known to friends as Maverick) takes revenge on Claudius
after cleverly bypassing master assassins Rosencrantz and Gildenstern
in a mountain-side chase on horses, and "drops in" on his uncle's
private chapel using a rope harness. After becoming King, he marries
Ophelia, in a double wedding where Polonius and Gertrude also wed.
Co-starring Anthony Edwards as Laertes, Penelope Cruz as Ophelia, Jon
Voigt as Claudius, Sharon Stone as Gertrude, Gene Hackman as Polonius.
Should make millions.