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A Missing Tooth
Sep. 4th, 2024 07:48 amBuncha stuff happened this last week (as it is always one damn thing after another, except when it's one damm time for everything.) I decided to get the tooth maintenance done and figure out finances afterward, so I made the appointments and had one tooth reconsructed and one pulled. These days they fill the wound with bone chips and sew a cover over it so an implant can be grafted in later, so there's a bit of "don't touch this" that you have to work with and avoid exploring the sensation with your tongue. And the surgery site leaks blood, and you can't brush it, so your mouth is icky for a bit, but you just try to ignore it and focus on healing.
And then, there's the other thing.
I've been getting together with Kristin (Flidias) roughly weekly for "little adventures" for a couple of years now. The adventures could range from trying a new coffee house to going shopping in the local Korean markets, to organizing a tea for Kdrama fans, going to help a friend, seeing the sea creatures at the tidal pools on the San Mateo coast, going to Pescadero to check out the Goat Yoga place, calling up Andrew (Ivar) and proposing shenanigans in SF...all sorts of things.
Sometimes we didn't meet because someone didn't feel good. Sometimes the adventure was cooking together, but sometimes it was yard work. Last year we harvested grapes and made verjuice. Last month we harvested grape leaves and made dolmades, with a confusion of recipes from four of her cookbooks and memories and discussions of how to prep the leaves and how much pepper and lemons and they turned out great except the meat from Lucky's not so good and...
She had cancelled on some gardening because she wasn't feeling well, and said she had to go up and deal with inspection and contractors. at her mother's house, so she'd be in Fairfield. The house is the last piece of her mother's estate to be handled. A couple of times in the last few months, her phone had run out of charge.
So, I checked in a week ago Friday, and she wasn't feeling well. I asked if she needed a care package, in part because I go to San Mateo on Fridays to score hockey from 8 to 12 and can hit the Safeway on the way out and pick things up. She wanted tomato juice and watermelon juice, but didn't want to inconvienince me when she was 10 minutes from the store, so she'd do it herself. Checked in Sunday, she hadn't made it out, so after the first dental work on Monday I rested, then drove up and bought V8 (low sodium), two bottles of watermelon juice, some bananas, and a microwave package of chicken noodle soup, and dropped them off at her house. She met me at the door, but didn't want me to come inside. I handed her the bag, talked a moment, and left, as she wanted to go back to bed.
Texted/phoned with her Tuesday and Wednesday, she said she felt a bit imbroved (less constipated) but very tired. Didn't hear from her Thursday, she didn't respnod to texts of calls on Friday, so after hockey I went over and drove by her house. The car was there (in the backyard where she parks it) and the bathroom light was on, so she wasn't in Fairfield. I had discussed with Crystal doing a wellness check, as Crystal has house keys, and so we went on Saturday.
I couldn't enter the house. The stuff from her mom's house on top of her stuff meant that there was a passage too narrow for me withough knocking things over. Xtal went in the back door and found Kristen, cold to the touch, on the bathroom floor.
Dealt with the police and coroner, who were able to contact her brother Mark. Called as many people who we knew knew her well, and let them know. Once Mark confirmed that it could go out on social media, did that. Now,
Now, I sit here and keep my tounge away from the hole where the tooth was. Now, I keep my mind away from the hole where she was, until I know more, until things settle out a little. My chest is heavy, and I'm weary, but I'm ok. The grape leaves are too tough now to make good dolmas, and the korean market isn't as much fun without a shopping buddy. At some point I will analyze what happened a little more openly, admitting it more fully into my thoughts, because if another rider goes down, learn from their mistake and avoid it (motorcycle philosophy)
Two final thoughts: Do the paperwork. I know that things are not going to turn out as she had desired them, but although Kristin talked about a will, she never completed one and let people have a copy, even though she asked xtal to be her executor. I am happy to assist, and hold your will as an outside source. Secondly, avoid the avoidence. We're not the youth we were and bad things can happen to anyone. There's a wilfull ignorance that the media in this culture promotes, As for me, I'll keep working on my AFIB/Diabetes/Hypertension/lameness, with medicine and eating changes and exercise and caution. I can no longer ffight heavy in the ScA with a good conscience, because a strong blow to the chest could trigger a disaster.
Like waves coming into the pockets of rock and pool where the seaslugs hide and frolic, like the wind in the redwood trees, ruffling some but not all branches, like the pulse of traffic on 101 at 92, I know the disturbance of finding the missing tooth that is my friend who was a big part of the texture of my life is coming.
And then, there's the other thing.
I've been getting together with Kristin (Flidias) roughly weekly for "little adventures" for a couple of years now. The adventures could range from trying a new coffee house to going shopping in the local Korean markets, to organizing a tea for Kdrama fans, going to help a friend, seeing the sea creatures at the tidal pools on the San Mateo coast, going to Pescadero to check out the Goat Yoga place, calling up Andrew (Ivar) and proposing shenanigans in SF...all sorts of things.
Sometimes we didn't meet because someone didn't feel good. Sometimes the adventure was cooking together, but sometimes it was yard work. Last year we harvested grapes and made verjuice. Last month we harvested grape leaves and made dolmades, with a confusion of recipes from four of her cookbooks and memories and discussions of how to prep the leaves and how much pepper and lemons and they turned out great except the meat from Lucky's not so good and...
She had cancelled on some gardening because she wasn't feeling well, and said she had to go up and deal with inspection and contractors. at her mother's house, so she'd be in Fairfield. The house is the last piece of her mother's estate to be handled. A couple of times in the last few months, her phone had run out of charge.
So, I checked in a week ago Friday, and she wasn't feeling well. I asked if she needed a care package, in part because I go to San Mateo on Fridays to score hockey from 8 to 12 and can hit the Safeway on the way out and pick things up. She wanted tomato juice and watermelon juice, but didn't want to inconvienince me when she was 10 minutes from the store, so she'd do it herself. Checked in Sunday, she hadn't made it out, so after the first dental work on Monday I rested, then drove up and bought V8 (low sodium), two bottles of watermelon juice, some bananas, and a microwave package of chicken noodle soup, and dropped them off at her house. She met me at the door, but didn't want me to come inside. I handed her the bag, talked a moment, and left, as she wanted to go back to bed.
Texted/phoned with her Tuesday and Wednesday, she said she felt a bit imbroved (less constipated) but very tired. Didn't hear from her Thursday, she didn't respnod to texts of calls on Friday, so after hockey I went over and drove by her house. The car was there (in the backyard where she parks it) and the bathroom light was on, so she wasn't in Fairfield. I had discussed with Crystal doing a wellness check, as Crystal has house keys, and so we went on Saturday.
I couldn't enter the house. The stuff from her mom's house on top of her stuff meant that there was a passage too narrow for me withough knocking things over. Xtal went in the back door and found Kristen, cold to the touch, on the bathroom floor.
Dealt with the police and coroner, who were able to contact her brother Mark. Called as many people who we knew knew her well, and let them know. Once Mark confirmed that it could go out on social media, did that. Now,
Now, I sit here and keep my tounge away from the hole where the tooth was. Now, I keep my mind away from the hole where she was, until I know more, until things settle out a little. My chest is heavy, and I'm weary, but I'm ok. The grape leaves are too tough now to make good dolmas, and the korean market isn't as much fun without a shopping buddy. At some point I will analyze what happened a little more openly, admitting it more fully into my thoughts, because if another rider goes down, learn from their mistake and avoid it (motorcycle philosophy)
Two final thoughts: Do the paperwork. I know that things are not going to turn out as she had desired them, but although Kristin talked about a will, she never completed one and let people have a copy, even though she asked xtal to be her executor. I am happy to assist, and hold your will as an outside source. Secondly, avoid the avoidence. We're not the youth we were and bad things can happen to anyone. There's a wilfull ignorance that the media in this culture promotes, As for me, I'll keep working on my AFIB/Diabetes/Hypertension/lameness, with medicine and eating changes and exercise and caution. I can no longer ffight heavy in the ScA with a good conscience, because a strong blow to the chest could trigger a disaster.
Like waves coming into the pockets of rock and pool where the seaslugs hide and frolic, like the wind in the redwood trees, ruffling some but not all branches, like the pulse of traffic on 101 at 92, I know the disturbance of finding the missing tooth that is my friend who was a big part of the texture of my life is coming.
