learnteach (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
learnteach) wrote2003-12-27 11:01 am
learnteach) wrote2003-12-27 11:01 am
From another journal...
Before you read this, it's sparked by an entry from ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mertuil specifically
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mertuil/249851.html#cutid1
Backround history: Just ...survived? ended up with? left? a tumultuous 3 year on/off relationship almost with a marraige. Still in pain, still in love.
The mechanism of surviving the bitterness at the ending of a relationship (or the changing of one) is to remove the focus. Put that focus, the person who for so long has filled the role of dreamcatcher or fantasy ghod or "wifetobe" for you, away from you--physically, mentally, spiritually--until you can say goodbye to the dream person (imagery stolen from
mertuil specificallyhttp://www.livejournal.com/users/mertuil/249851.html#cutid1
Backround history: Just ...survived? ended up with? left? a tumultuous 3 year on/off relationship almost with a marraige. Still in pain, still in love.
The mechanism of surviving the bitterness at the ending of a relationship (or the changing of one) is to remove the focus. Put that focus, the person who for so long has filled the role of dreamcatcher or fantasy ghod or "wifetobe" for you, away from you--physically, mentally, spiritually--until you can say goodbye to the dream person (imagery stolen from
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ls [...] we.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]
Before you read this, it's sparked by an entry from <user site="livejournal.com" user="mertuil"> specifically
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mertuil/249851.html#cutid1
Backround history: Just ...survived? ended up with? left? a tumultuous 3 year on/off relationship almost with a marraige. Still in pain, still in love.
The mechanism of surviving the bitterness at the ending of a relationship (or the changing of one) is to remove the focus. Put that focus, the person who for so long has filled the role of dreamcatcher or fantasy ghod or "wifetobe" for you, away from you--physically, mentally, spiritually--until you can say goodbye to the dream person (imagery stolen from <ls user="Tshuma"). It's hard, but then you can go back to the shiny person who was a great friend and be a friend, because the bonds of friendship are different from Lover, Girlfriend, wife...
Love, mechanics. The Greeks, who were very practical mechanical scientists about emotion, broke the english word "love" down into many, including eros and agape and koniea and ...as do we. I love my mother, my brother, my warband, my nephew, my lover, my girlfriend, my wife; all of these are certainly different spans of time, different intensities, different commitments, if not different types. Certainly loving my car, music, waltzing, my hand are all different in both how much I appreciate them and fundamental approach.
And the mechanism of love in almost all of these cases, though the emotion is different, is <b>caring</b>. That is, taking care of. "If you love something, set it free" means merely don't choke the life out of it. If you love something, help it--teach the children well, pay attention to your parents (and try to ignore whatever scars they try to pass to you, but listen, feed them, be there); polish your car; and cover your brother's back with a coat and your warbrother's with a shield. The mechanics of caring trump the emotions thereof; the deed is greater than the thought.
I don't mean to belittle the emotion in this livejournal entry; that feeling of falling in love is exhilarating; the warmth of knowing you're beloved is wonderful; the knowledge that you possess something great is fulfilling (love of your car). But the mechanics of it in all cases are taking time and thought and action, even a little, to care for it.
As a complete side note, one of the great strengths of the english language is the imprecision one may use. If need be, the words exist to be germanically precise, but if I want to get the thought out now, I can use a general word...such as wonderful...and put my idea out there.
.....and the lesson coming home to me, right at this moment, is you have to love (care for) yourself as a primary thing, or you become useless to all your other loves. How this works for you might be problematic.
As a complete side note, one of the great strengths of the english language is the imprecision one may use. If need be, the words exist to be germanically precise, but if I want to get the thought out now, I can use a general word...such as wonderful...and put my idea out there.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/mertuil/249851.html#cutid1
Backround history: Just ...survived? ended up with? left? a tumultuous 3 year on/off relationship almost with a marraige. Still in pain, still in love.
The mechanism of surviving the bitterness at the ending of a relationship (or the changing of one) is to remove the focus. Put that focus, the person who for so long has filled the role of dreamcatcher or fantasy ghod or "wifetobe" for you, away from you--physically, mentally, spiritually--until you can say goodbye to the dream person (imagery stolen from <ls user="Tshuma"). It's hard, but then you can go back to the shiny person who was a great friend and be a friend, because the bonds of friendship are different from Lover, Girlfriend, wife...
Love, mechanics. The Greeks, who were very practical mechanical scientists about emotion, broke the english word "love" down into many, including eros and agape and koniea and ...as do we. I love my mother, my brother, my warband, my nephew, my lover, my girlfriend, my wife; all of these are certainly different spans of time, different intensities, different commitments, if not different types. Certainly loving my car, music, waltzing, my hand are all different in both how much I appreciate them and fundamental approach.
And the mechanism of love in almost all of these cases, though the emotion is different, is <b>caring</b>. That is, taking care of. "If you love something, set it free" means merely don't choke the life out of it. If you love something, help it--teach the children well, pay attention to your parents (and try to ignore whatever scars they try to pass to you, but listen, feed them, be there); polish your car; and cover your brother's back with a coat and your warbrother's with a shield. The mechanics of caring trump the emotions thereof; the deed is greater than the thought.
I don't mean to belittle the emotion in this livejournal entry; that feeling of falling in love is exhilarating; the warmth of knowing you're beloved is wonderful; the knowledge that you possess something great is fulfilling (love of your car). But the mechanics of it in all cases are taking time and thought and action, even a little, to care for it.
As a complete side note, one of the great strengths of the english language is the imprecision one may use. If need be, the words exist to be germanically precise, but if I want to get the thought out now, I can use a general word...such as wonderful...and put my idea out there.
.....and the lesson coming home to me, right at this moment, is you have to love (care for) yourself as a primary thing, or you become useless to all your other loves. How this works for you might be problematic.
As a complete side note, one of the great strengths of the english language is the imprecision one may use. If need be, the words exist to be germanically precise, but if I want to get the thought out now, I can use a general word...such as wonderful...and put my idea out there.