Usta be.

[learnteach]

Usta be.

Reflection on roles.



I'm undergoing some existential angst here, on top of the difficult school system and the general life issues. It's not a big thing, but I thought I'd throw it out of my forebrain and onto the internet where it wouldn't bother me so much.

(Could be worse...usually it's Existential Blues! http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/e/existentialblues.shtml)

Ya see, I usta be...a lot of things that I'm not anymore. Haven't put the time in. Haven't been keeping up on the dues.

Usta be an engineer. I forget how strong a part of my personality that was. It's been 3 years since I designed/set up/hacked anything more interesting than basic computer electronics. I teach engineering, but am I really an engineer?

Usta be a martial artist. Not doing much of that in any form these days. Dojo-kun, continual practice, self improvement, arguing philosophy while drinking sake, just not doing it.

Usta be a motorcyclist. Never a biker. Now, I just ride a bike occasionally.

Wanted to be a teacher. Have found, at least at the high school science level, that I'm not cut out for it--not making me very happy. Not making me ANY money.

Usta, wanted to...what am I now?

Existential blues.

Comments

[kawgirl.livejournal.com]

In addition to what everyone else has said, there are reasons you decided to try the path that you are on. There was something about "usta be" that you didn't much like and that made you want to try something else. Now, it may be that you are ready to make this path a "usta be," but I think it's helpful to look forward and not backward.

Further I agree with everyone who has made comments about not judging your teaching ability from this one experience. I think with a little bit of training and your knowledge of what it's actually like out there, you could turn it around...if it is what you choose to do.