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learnteachVacuuming is an acceptable activity, we could use more cleaning. Starting at 10:30 at night, and then wandering away from the vacuum cleaner...not so much. Even coming back, I kinda get. But not until Midnight.
Secondary Note: I try to live a life of Christian Love. But now I understand the need, or perhaps I need to work more on understanding, Hate. M.A. (dad) tells me that Jesus told us (in John) that Love was the greatest commandment, and that the Bible says to love thy neighbor as thyself. The core of that love is self respect, and therefor one should focus on the self.
In my opinion, that's exactly backwards, and sophistry to boot. But more importantly, it's deeds, not words or intent, that matter. Accepting Jesus as your personal saviour is all well and good, but if you don't go out and get with his deeds--help people, cloth the naked, make wine for Mom, (There's a good way to honor thy mother!), feed the hungry, teach the poor--you're just giving lip service to the ideals; you're closer to a pharisee.
So the Hate? Other side of love. As one must Love and accept God (and guidance) and in fact most of everything (because that's where God is) one needs to reject false teachings and poisonous words. The trick is to let the emotion and action move through you, not to get hung up on it, not to let it twist you either way.
Where does respect, and self respect, come into this? I feel I have self respect, but don't demand many of the trappings. I can play the fool, but am laughing at the foibles of both myself and society, especially now. I can let the next door kids wander onto my lawn, we've talked about it, as long as they don't mess with my garden (and they don't.) People parking on the street don't bother me, I leave them a note or talk to them when they arrive back if I want a little more space by the driveway, not threaten while they're not there to shoot out their tires.
Actions (and words) but actions...love is an action, it's a presence (as is God.) Sitting with the sick, talking with the distraught, listening to the symphony of life...all good and useful things. Weeding the garden, making and sharing food, spending time with people, all good.
...but I'm not as perfect or self-realized as I'd like to be. In honoring my father by letting him live with me in his time of need, I've exposed myself to his poison, daily. I feel pity and sadness for him, and have managed to turn his thoughts to some degree away from his negative subjects, but he rejects all help (yet strives to stay here) and does not want to talk (but sits next to me to rant.) It's causing stress between my brothers and myself, and I feel myself hardening to deal with the daily dose of stupid poison, disguised as reason or experience. What will happen when the Mexicans take over? No problemo, senor, yo quero una mujera Catholico, si? Como no! If someone comes in to rob my house, and me without a gun? The only things I would want have sentimental value, not monetary, so I don't fear for them. Who wants a dining room table and a frying pan (Leigh Ann's and my Grandmother's, respectively). Insurance will pay for the rest or hey, I don't have to clean it. Books? There's always more. TV? Never watch it. Computer? Phone? Cash? Easily replaced with better versions, or more earned.
Women running the world? I wish it were so. Minorities oppressing the white man? No, I don't really think so, although some people of any sort are rude. Israel controls America's economy via Zionists? No, if that were the case we'd be weaned off of oil (onto nuclear, probably) and the Arab/Muslim nation states would be poor. Past sins of the family? Well, they're not sins, and hey, anything more than 20 years ago is really just a habit.
That's one of the sad parts. When he talks about friends, they're all from his last job at SLAC, which he retired from 15 years ago. He hasn't talked to any of them since.
Oh, and America has no culture, no respect, no strong families? Sure, if you ignore the matriarchies that pass from generation to generation. We adopt. Americans (and especially I) have lost our male values? Don't think so, we're still mongrel scrappers who get by, make do, maintain what we have, and take things from every culture that comes along, ahsodesuka? So desu, neh! I had lunch with an old friend Tuesday, we talked of Sufi religion (she's a Sufi Methodist) and the Aramaic translations of the bible. I had sword practice on Monday, and an ecstatic dance practice (5 rhythms) in the evening (nice people, good therapy.)
I reject the negative views, and expell the shit. That's a way of life. But a little poison, a little anger, always remains. I hate that, which is the wrong answer. Exercise helps (2 miles at lunch, so...Hey! Grant Ranch!) but... and being continually correct about how M. A. is going to try to manipulate me is very wearying.
It's going to come to a big blow out; I'm going to have to throw him out to get him to leave, because I can't let him live here.
Secondary Note: I try to live a life of Christian Love. But now I understand the need, or perhaps I need to work more on understanding, Hate. M.A. (dad) tells me that Jesus told us (in John) that Love was the greatest commandment, and that the Bible says to love thy neighbor as thyself. The core of that love is self respect, and therefor one should focus on the self.
In my opinion, that's exactly backwards, and sophistry to boot. But more importantly, it's deeds, not words or intent, that matter. Accepting Jesus as your personal saviour is all well and good, but if you don't go out and get with his deeds--help people, cloth the naked, make wine for Mom, (There's a good way to honor thy mother!), feed the hungry, teach the poor--you're just giving lip service to the ideals; you're closer to a pharisee.
So the Hate? Other side of love. As one must Love and accept God (and guidance) and in fact most of everything (because that's where God is) one needs to reject false teachings and poisonous words. The trick is to let the emotion and action move through you, not to get hung up on it, not to let it twist you either way.
Where does respect, and self respect, come into this? I feel I have self respect, but don't demand many of the trappings. I can play the fool, but am laughing at the foibles of both myself and society, especially now. I can let the next door kids wander onto my lawn, we've talked about it, as long as they don't mess with my garden (and they don't.) People parking on the street don't bother me, I leave them a note or talk to them when they arrive back if I want a little more space by the driveway, not threaten while they're not there to shoot out their tires.
Actions (and words) but actions...love is an action, it's a presence (as is God.) Sitting with the sick, talking with the distraught, listening to the symphony of life...all good and useful things. Weeding the garden, making and sharing food, spending time with people, all good.
...but I'm not as perfect or self-realized as I'd like to be. In honoring my father by letting him live with me in his time of need, I've exposed myself to his poison, daily. I feel pity and sadness for him, and have managed to turn his thoughts to some degree away from his negative subjects, but he rejects all help (yet strives to stay here) and does not want to talk (but sits next to me to rant.) It's causing stress between my brothers and myself, and I feel myself hardening to deal with the daily dose of stupid poison, disguised as reason or experience. What will happen when the Mexicans take over? No problemo, senor, yo quero una mujera Catholico, si? Como no! If someone comes in to rob my house, and me without a gun? The only things I would want have sentimental value, not monetary, so I don't fear for them. Who wants a dining room table and a frying pan (Leigh Ann's and my Grandmother's, respectively). Insurance will pay for the rest or hey, I don't have to clean it. Books? There's always more. TV? Never watch it. Computer? Phone? Cash? Easily replaced with better versions, or more earned.
Women running the world? I wish it were so. Minorities oppressing the white man? No, I don't really think so, although some people of any sort are rude. Israel controls America's economy via Zionists? No, if that were the case we'd be weaned off of oil (onto nuclear, probably) and the Arab/Muslim nation states would be poor. Past sins of the family? Well, they're not sins, and hey, anything more than 20 years ago is really just a habit.
That's one of the sad parts. When he talks about friends, they're all from his last job at SLAC, which he retired from 15 years ago. He hasn't talked to any of them since.
Oh, and America has no culture, no respect, no strong families? Sure, if you ignore the matriarchies that pass from generation to generation. We adopt. Americans (and especially I) have lost our male values? Don't think so, we're still mongrel scrappers who get by, make do, maintain what we have, and take things from every culture that comes along, ahsodesuka? So desu, neh! I had lunch with an old friend Tuesday, we talked of Sufi religion (she's a Sufi Methodist) and the Aramaic translations of the bible. I had sword practice on Monday, and an ecstatic dance practice (5 rhythms) in the evening (nice people, good therapy.)
I reject the negative views, and expell the shit. That's a way of life. But a little poison, a little anger, always remains. I hate that, which is the wrong answer. Exercise helps (2 miles at lunch, so...Hey! Grant Ranch!) but... and being continually correct about how M. A. is going to try to manipulate me is very wearying.
It's going to come to a big blow out; I'm going to have to throw him out to get him to leave, because I can't let him live here.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 01:38 pm (UTC)any overt help
Date: 2008-08-21 02:25 pm (UTC)...It's complicated. He was up at 3, dragging chairs around. No, I don't know why.