Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you have enough grounds to refuse you mother. Jase/kno? You are conflicted. You want to do the right thing for yourself AND for your family.(But you know that, right) My free advise, which is always worth the asking price, is to explore the stranges wierdest alternatives. It's not that they'll help directly, but they might generate more workable ideas and accentuate everyone's actual needs.

Depression. It seems to be natures punishment for thinking, or daring to live well. It would be truely remarkable if you weren't suffering from depression. Little comfort that is!

My heart goes out to you. I wish you good luck, good fortune, and many happy thoughts.