I say the following knowing the kind of responsible person you tend to be with things such as family issues, because I am that person too *smile*
You’ve clearly laid out what is important to you here, and I say stick to those goals. Doing things for yourself, finding your own happiness, having the occasional party, starting the family you want are all important things. Don’t give them up or shunt them aside just because your Mom wants you to do something. Yes, it may hurt her feelings, but will it hurt less or will it hurt more when you do get married and want to move? Not to mention how impossible it would be to sell half of a duplex in order to use the equity for a family home.
Saying no to your Mom is a very difficult thing but it *is* valid. It’s also more than okay to tell her that applying guilt is not fair just because you aren’t doing exactly what she wants. You may be her offspring, but you are also an adult with a life of your own. With privacy issues of your own as well. Nothing wrong with that.
I gave up a decade of my life to my parents because I am The Responsible One ™. Looking back I did what needed to be done, but I certainly didn’t have to bear the entire burden myself. In fact, I think it would have helped my mother a great deal as a person to have to be responsible and take care of herself and such during that time. After all, she was the Mom, right? She just came to expect the things I did for the family and it took her a veeeeery long time to appreciate what I had done. At one point I became so frustrated with her and her trying to guilt me into taking a particular action (NOTHING beats Catholic mother guilt) I asked her ‘Why are you trying to make me act against all the independence / live my life type of things you spent so long teaching me growing up?’ She didn’t have an answer. Ask me sometime how I ‘convinced’ her that I was not going to discuss certain topics with her.
Yes, responsibility and helping out the family is a good thing. But there is a limit. Don’t give your life up in order to accommodate theirs.
Regarding the gastric bypass surgery, I’m not a proponent of it. You have to change your way of life and your way of eating after you have the surgery, so why not try that first? There is also no guarantee that it will work – 2 of the gals who work here have had it, and with one 2 years post-op and the other a year post-op they’ve only lost a total of 40 or 50 lbs between them. Because they lack the discipline to maintain the regime required, and instead have indulged themselves to the point that the surgery did little good other than cost a great deal of money and no little amount of pain.
I think a better idea is to take some of the $$ one would spend on the surgery and invest it in a personal trainer instead. Having someone to apply the discipline that is so difficult to maintain when one works out alone will go much farther and be a much healthier option in my mind.
There are also fairly serious risks associated with gastric bypass surgery as well.
I happen to think that some of the women you know are wonderful people, but that’s a personal opinion *grin*
no subject
You’ve clearly laid out what is important to you here, and I say stick to those goals. Doing things for yourself, finding your own happiness, having the occasional party, starting the family you want are all important things. Don’t give them up or shunt them aside just because your Mom wants you to do something. Yes, it may hurt her feelings, but will it hurt less or will it hurt more when you do get married and want to move? Not to mention how impossible it would be to sell half of a duplex in order to use the equity for a family home.
Saying no to your Mom is a very difficult thing but it *is* valid. It’s also more than okay to tell her that applying guilt is not fair just because you aren’t doing exactly what she wants. You may be her offspring, but you are also an adult with a life of your own. With privacy issues of your own as well. Nothing wrong with that.
I gave up a decade of my life to my parents because I am The Responsible One ™. Looking back I did what needed to be done, but I certainly didn’t have to bear the entire burden myself. In fact, I think it would have helped my mother a great deal as a person to have to be responsible and take care of herself and such during that time. After all, she was the Mom, right? She just came to expect the things I did for the family and it took her a veeeeery long time to appreciate what I had done. At one point I became so frustrated with her and her trying to guilt me into taking a particular action (NOTHING beats Catholic mother guilt) I asked her ‘Why are you trying to make me act against all the independence / live my life type of things you spent so long teaching me growing up?’ She didn’t have an answer. Ask me sometime how I ‘convinced’ her that I was not going to discuss certain topics with her.
Yes, responsibility and helping out the family is a good thing. But there is a limit. Don’t give your life up in order to accommodate theirs.
Regarding the gastric bypass surgery, I’m not a proponent of it. You have to change your way of life and your way of eating after you have the surgery, so why not try that first? There is also no guarantee that it will work – 2 of the gals who work here have had it, and with one 2 years post-op and the other a year post-op they’ve only lost a total of 40 or 50 lbs between them. Because they lack the discipline to maintain the regime required, and instead have indulged themselves to the point that the surgery did little good other than cost a great deal of money and no little amount of pain.
I think a better idea is to take some of the $$ one would spend on the surgery and invest it in a personal trainer instead. Having someone to apply the discipline that is so difficult to maintain when one works out alone will go much farther and be a much healthier option in my mind.
There are also fairly serious risks associated with gastric bypass surgery as well.
I happen to think that some of the women you know are wonderful people, but that’s a personal opinion *grin*
-the redhead-