Today is a Mental Umbrella Day

[learnteach]

It's official. I've recieved more cold water shocks today than I have in over a year. Karmic shocks, social shocks, warm shocks--just jars that make me go "What?". It's not a red letter day, it's a Mental Umbrella day.

I'll remember this.

Contemplating a job, discussing it with a very intelligent and wise man, and him sweeping out my rationalization by pointing out that if it's the money, I can go make big bucks in Iraq as a data geek.

Setting up and moving a bunch of meetings with friends, and having all but one fall through.

Going to dance, and having both an inability to get a partner, and a reminder of the past.

So, the question:

Why am I only running at 15%? What is it that is making me so lazy, when I know I can do so much more?

Comments

[judith-s.livejournal.com]

Everyone has days like this. Even those who look from the outside like they have it all. But it still sucks. Sympathies & hugs to you. Let me know if you want company this weekend. C is studying for midterms & I've got A and tons of time.

[phantomdancer.livejournal.com]

I really am sorry about that, i didn't mean to drop an anvil on you. your'e just the only one i know that would have any idea what the answer to my question was.

[collie13.livejournal.com]

Are you okay, John? I remember how shocked you were once when Ann D. & I were talking to you about stuff we thought was self-evident about you. I always felt a little guilty for not remembering it's always harder to see oneself clearly.

*grin* I'll dance with you (once I'm over the stomach flu of the last few days). As the saying goes, you're a peachy dancer, and all the girls love you! ;)

I've said it before, but I guess it bears repeating: let me know if there's anything I can do to help, okay?

[klwilliams.livejournal.com]

You sounded kind of out of it yesterday. I'm sorry I couldn't do lunch. I still have that present for you, though.

[loudoggeek.livejournal.com]

What's your P & D?

It's so confusing some times; so many good fights, but which one?

[anthraxia.livejournal.com]

Bah! Move to Australia, we'll love you as you deserve (and Adelaide seriously needs a cool fighter who can dance to convince our local 16-23 year old lads that you can dance AND be manly...even at the same time)

As to running at 15% - I've had times in my life when I simply just didn't seem to be motivated/have the energy to do more. I've generally found a week of extra vitamin B (no matter how much/little I'm currently getting) made a world of difference. Helped a lot with the 'no one has called me I'm unlovable' blues, the 'can't get off the couch' inactivities and the 'can't be bothered' sleepies.

At other times, it felt like the world was conspiring against me to stop me doing everything I attempted. People failed to show or cancelled at the last minute, vital things broke when most needed, computers crashed just as I went to hit save, loved ones became ill.

I figured most of the time it's just localised karma. Every so often we forget just how good our lives are, so the universe reminds us life isn't so great for most. On two or three occasions, looking back it's perfectly clear to me that I was deliberately putting myself into positions where things couldn't or wouldn't work or where I was almost guaranteed to be disappointed or hurt by someone because I needed a major incentive to radically change my life in a scary way. One of those times was to get me on a plane to London with two nights accommodation booked, an Australian and a British passport and 380 pounds. Scary, risky, and one of the best things I've done in my life.

So, go and find some good quality Vitamin B supplements and give yourself double the recommended daily dose for a week. If that doesn't fix it, maybe you should move to Adelaide! :)

Blod